Surprise! I’m still not pregnant (nor have I been since the chemical pregnancy in April). Here’s what’s happened in the past three months:
RE or REally not impressed
My Obgyn broke up with me saying, “There’s nothing more I can do for you.” I’m not sure what she had really done for me to begin with so I only feel slightly rejected instead of broken-hearted. As a parting gift, she referred me to a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) otherwise known as a fertility specialist. I went back and forth on whether I should actually go. What, exactly, could this RE do that my OB hadn’t already done (except charge me $50 per visit instead of $25)?
After talking about it with some online friends, I decided that a consultation couldn’t hurt and I had my, now rather large, medical file sent to the specialist’s office. I went to the first appointment with just a little glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe I would be getting some answers soon.
At the first appointment, the doctor reviewed my history and bloodwork results from the OB. She refused to speculate on possible causes of the miscarriages until she had the results of about 22 blood panels and a saline ultrasound — all of which had to be done on very specific cycle days. I walked out of the office after that initial visit with lab orders (for myself and my husband), prescriptions, and directions about how to prepare for my ultrasound.
With each test, I grew more excited, sensing a discovery was just around the corner. “Today’s test is going to show something! I just know it.” I imagined sitting in the office, getting the results and exclaiming “Well that explains it! And you say all I have to do is take these magic pills and it will all be ok? Why didn’t I do this sooner?”
The follow-up appointment didn’t exactly go like that. Instead, it went like this. Doctor: Well, I’ve reviewed the results of every test and everything is well within normal range. I have no explanation for your multiple losses other than to say it’s simply bad luck.” Me: Did you just say my diagnosis is bad luck?” Doctor: Well, that’s not a diagnosis, but yes. There’s nothing wrong that we can see.” Me: “So that’s it? That’s how this ends?” Doctor: “That’s up to you. I have a treatment plan.” Me: “You have a treatment plan for bad luck?” Doctor: “The plan is to get you pregnant as many times as possible and hope that one sticks.” Me: Stunned silence followed by tears and lots of nose blowing.
As a side note, my husband was with me for that appointment and he said the doctor looked truly shocked that was sobbing. Does this not happen frequently in this office? Hormonal women getting hopeless news on a nearly daily basis and the doctor is shocked that I am sobbing? Anyway…
I walked out of the office that day faced with choices that range from $400 per month to $4000 per month. Keep in mind that all of these choices are aimed at getting me pregnant as many times as possible and “hoping that one sticks.”
I’ve decided to not pursue any of the choices made available to me; not Clomid, not Femara, not IUI (inter-uterine insemination), not IVF (in-vitro fertilization). I’ve decided that reproducing really shouldn’t be this hard. And I have no idea where that leaves me or what’s left to do– except to write a break-up letter to my RE.
So that’s the update. I plan to finish out the summer with my own treatment plan: an endurance mud-run race this weekend, plenty of wine drinking on summer terraces, perhaps a cocktail of natural fertility boosting supplements, and reckless baby-dancing with my husband — you know — just in case one sticks.
If you or someone you know is trying to conceive, you know just how expensive a proposition this can be. In the spirit of holiday gift guides, I present the Top 10 list for TTC Couples!
The Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor – This digital device tracks hormones through the whole cycle and gives you a very clear picture of your two most fertile days in the cycle. The down-side? For accuracy, your cycle should be between 21 and 42 days long. This sucker will cost you big money: about $150.
Red Raspberry Leaf Tea – This herbal tea is widely known in infertility circles as drink for strengthening the uterus and promoting a healthy monthly cycle. It’s available from a number of brands. My personal favorite is Yogi.
Vitamin/Nutrition Store Gift Certificate – There are a number of herbs and vitamins that holistic doctors often recommend for couples that are trying to conceive and while most of them are fairly affordable, buying them frequently adds up. Why not buy a gift certificate so your favorite TTC couple can purchase Vitex, Red Clover, or B6 supplements?
Pregnancy Tests – For the woman addicted to peeing on a stick. Available on Amazon.com, you can buy these in bulk and she can pee on a stick everyday.
Basal Body Temperature (BBT) Thermometer – The BBT thermometer is available at most drug stores for about $10. The BBT is one of the most frequently used methods for tracking ovulation because a woman’s temperature will slightly rise between 24 and 48 hours before she ovulates.
Visa Gift Card – All those doctor appointments really add up. A Visa Gift Card can help defer the cost of anything from the office visit to the blood work to an IVF treatment! Pick one up at your favorite big box or grocery store.
Taking Control of Your Fertility – A book that women on “Trying to Conceive Naturally” community chat boards swear by. The 10th Anniversary Edition is available for less than $15.
A cute tote bag – Let’s face it, some couples who are trying to conceive go to the doctor several times a month. Why not give a cute tote bag so she can carry around some great waiting room material and her latest temperature / cervical mucus chart.
A bedside calendar – Every TTC woman needs a place to track her cycle, her temperature, and her baby making activity. Bundle it with a pen and some heart stickers (just to make tracking the baby-dance a little fun)!
A handwritten note saying you care – OK, so a few of the gifts above might just be a little too personal for you to add to the stocking. But a handwritten note saying how much you care? That’s a great gift!
There is no easy way to put this so I will just come out and say it. There is a 7 centimeter cyst on my right ovary.
I got this news in the same room that I found out my baby’s heart was no longer beating and from the same person who told me that I had a missed miscarriage. God. I hate that room.
I sat in the waiting room for about 35 minutes between getting the ultrasound and speaking with the doctor. I watched the ObGyn coordinator call newly pregnant couples to the back for their first appointments. There was one couple in particular – a husband and wife by the looks of it. The woman was just glowing with happiness. God. I hated her; I hated them.
I overheard another woman scheduling her next appointment. The receptionist said, “Oh! Your 20-week appointment! That’s an exciting one!” God. Get me out of here.
By the time I finally got to speak to the doctor, I was nearly in tears. She came in with nine images of my ovaries and said, “It’s pretty big.”
I have a couple of options to deal with this thing. I can do the old ‘wait and see’ and hope it shrinks on its own. I highly doubt it. This cyst is big enough to have its own passport. I can take birth control pills to shrink it. Something about that option sounds counterintuitive to getting pregnant. Or, I can have surgery.
The surgery is laparoscopic, outpatient, and fairly straightforward. I watched a video of it on You Tube. I almost vomited but I think that’s because I’m a bit squeamish. It didn’t really look that bad at all and apparently, there is no real recovery time. Aside from the risk of completely losing the ovary if the doctor makes a wrong move, and of course, death…I don’t really have a reason not to get ‘er out.
I’ve been taking my progesterone pills for a week now. My face looks like a war zone, my bowels are in distress, and I’m pretty sure that a nitroglycerin plant could explode just outside my bedroom and I wouldn’t notice. I have a window of about 45 minutes between taking the pill and entering into a coma. On the plus side, I’m getting some great sleep.
Waking up the next day is a bit of a challenge and I think the extra hormones are eating brain cells because I left the pill bottle in my gym bag and left the gym bag in my car. If you want to know what I found when I opened the bottle that night, put a few jellybeans in the microwave for thirty seconds.
The next day, I sheepishly showed the pharmacist my ‘whoops.’ Her eyes popped out of her head and she said, “Wow. Oh. Hmmm.” Thanks lady. Yeah. I know I’m supposed to keep the pills in a cool dark place.
I watched her put the melted, rubbery yellow hunk in the palm of her hand and take it to the back to find out if they could replace the prescription with the ‘damaged’ feature of my insurance plan. You would have though she was carrying a tiny rhinoceros in the palm of her hand by the reactions of the staff in the back. Through the glass, I saw raised eyebrows and confused faces. Seriously guys. I can’t be the first person to have done this. I’ve been really careful with my replacement pills, especially since I had to pay full price for half the pills.
I have three more days with this round. Then we wait for the magic to happen. Supposedly, my body will recognize the rapid decline in the hormone and Aunt Flo will show up. From there, we wait until cycle day 21. On that day, I run to the doctor without passing go and get my blood drawn. The results will tell us whether I am ovulating.
If I am, then I’ll continue taking the progesterone and hope that our routine — I mean our every-other -day romantic rendezvous’, result in a pregnancy. If I’m not ovulating, then we have to make a decision about whether to start a course of egg-releasing pills.
Thanks a lot body. This is so much fun.