Arguably one of the most beautiful things a human can accomplish, pregnancy can also be one of the most unpleasant. While few women will experience all of the below, the majority of preggie ladies will certainly have the joy of experiencing some of these unpleasant, and sometimes gross, products of pregnancy.
Most commonly on the legs, they add color and radiance to your lovely stems.
The bright side? You were probably going to get them with age sooner or later anyway.
Uncomfortable for you, uncomfortable for your loved ones.
The bright side? At least this time you have a valid excuse!
Prunes and more prunes. And water.
The bright side? Sometimes it’s better than the alternative…
You have to pee so badly that – oops. Adult diapers anyone?
The bright side? You can relive that element of your life as a baby, so you’ll be more in tune with your little one when they arrive.
Everywhere. Ankles, face, feet, fingers, etc.
The bright side? It may make you feel fat, but you don’t have to diet to get rid of this weight!
Usually in the 1st trimester, it can be uneventful to practically barbaric.
The bright side? You enjoyed that bowl of Cheerios so much, that we’re gonna show it to you again!
Like you woke up in the tub. Only you’re still in bed.
The bright side? You’ll sweat out some of the toxins from that fast food you had for dinner.
As if you couldn’t button your pants already!
The bright side? You’ll be able to introduce your man to a whole new side to you (if you haven’t been so frank already).
And you were planning on simply sneezing…
The bright side? It’ll feel like the easiest (though longest) period you’ve ever had
Either causing pain, itchiness, or just make you feel like you’ve got a rock squeezed up there, they might make you dread going to the bathroom.
The bright side? Are you crazy? There is no bright side. Go to the drug store.
And after all that… The bright side? You get an awesome baby in the end, and all you had to do was walk around with bulging blue lines on your legs, yell at everyone who looked at you funny, not go poo for four days, while peeing your pants a few times, wear clunky orthopedic shoes for your big fat feet, hug the toilet like you were back in college, wash your sheets every morning, fart your way through breakfast, feel like you’re wearing a wet diaper, and apply cream to your you-know-what-in-the-rear multiple times a day.
It’s time to buy stock in Sunkist Prunes and Phillips Capsules. I’m more backed up than a one-lane road in rush hour and I now fully grasp where hemorrhoids come from. I drink 90 ounces of water per day, eat at least 3 pieces of whole fruit, and consume more than 4 servings of whole grains. I’m not sure what else I can do. It took me an hour to write this entry because I had several, “This might be it” moments. I can assure you they were all false alarms and I’m starting to think I’ll be constipated for the next 220-something days.
I really thought, that if there were any symptom I would be immune to, it would surely be constipation. My diet regime has served me well in keeping me fit and, well, regular. I subscribe to the school of thought that exercise can fix anything. At least I did — two 30 minute walks a day haven’t done a thing to move me along. Oh well. I can’t complain. I’ve been lucky in other areas. I’ve had very few bouts of nausea. I’m still eating foods cooked with garlic and onion (and enjoying them). No aversions, heartburn or indigestion. Reading public pregnancy chat boards, I’m fortunate and I don’t forget that for a second.
So what is going on aside from the aforementioned? Well, I’m exhausted. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning and by noon I want to see out a locked office and nap under a desk. My breasts are tender. And I can be an emotional wreck one second and calm, cool, composed the next. My sister-in-law and brother sent us a beautiful card and little baby booties. I started to cry before I even read the card.
On another note, seeing the little booties made this pregnancy a little more real. We put them in the bedroom that’s soon to become the nursery. They look really out of place among the office furniture. It’s hard to imagine that in 7 months that room will be transformed from the place we store our junk to the place where we watch our baby sleep.