Emily Wilkins


My name is Emily and I’m among the ten percent of women who go on to miscarry after hearing a healthy heartbeat. My husband and I conceived our first child in January of 2010. Nine and a half weeks later, we lost our baby. We’re now among couples that fertility circles call TTCAL or “Trying to Conceive After A Loss.” This is my journey of pregnancy and loss, hope and despair, celebrations and setbacks. From serious and sad to the humorous and outlandish, this is my life.

Posts by Emily Wilkins:

  • July 28, 2011
    (mis)Adventures in Reproduction: Diagnosing Bad Luck

    With each test, I grew more excited, sensing a discovery was just around the corner. “Today’s test is going to show something! I just know it.” I imagined sitting in the office, getting the results and exclaiming “Well that explains it! And you say all I have to do is take these magic pills and it will all be ok? Why didn’t I do this sooner.”

    The follow-up appointment didn’t exactly go like that. Instead, it went like this. Doctor: Well, I’ve reviewed the results of every test and everything is well within normal range. I have no explanation for your multiple losses other than to say it’s simply bad luck.

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  • April 25, 2011
    (mis)Adventures in Reproduction: An Update

    It’s been more than a year since I started my (mis)adventures in reproduction. Last April, I was convinced that I would be pregnant by July of 2010.

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  • December 31, 2010
    Expecting Great Things: A Toast to the End of 2010

    When I look back on 2010 and ask myself, would I do it again knowing what I know now, the answer is “yes.” I’ve come to realize that the experience of losing a child is one of the best things that could have happened to me. My miscarriage saved my life. Bear with me as I explain.

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  • December 19, 2010
    Holiday Gifts for the TTC Gal in Your Life

    If you or someone you know is trying to conceive, you know just how expensive a proposition this can be. In the spirit of holiday gift guides, I present the Top 10 list for TTC couples.

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  • December 17, 2010
    Holiday Musings from an Infertile

    If we ever have children, I am thoroughly committed to not sending cards with pictures of them, or me for that matter. The practice of sending a photo card is something I’ve only witnessed from families with children and seeing them is another reminder that I’m not in the club.

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  • November 29, 2010
    Life After Miscarriage: How does this story end?

    But I do wonder, what if my first pregnancy was my last pregnancy? How does this story end? Is it happily ever after as so many people try to reassure me? Or is it simply The End?

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  • November 08, 2010
    Life After Miscarriage: Who is that in the mirror?

    There are days — and thankfully fewer and far between — when I look at my reflection and I don’t know who is staring back at me. I’m surprised by how “normal” I look.

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  • October 27, 2010
    Life After Miscarriage: The Place Where Pain & Grief Meet Closure

    This week should have been the week that changed my life forever.
    The nursery doesn’t exist. There is no car seat in the back of our Altima. I don’t have closet full of tiny hangers or a dresser full of diapers. There is no bassinet, no baby monitor, no rocking chair.

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  • October 18, 2010
    Life After Miscarriage: Recovering from Surgery and More

    As I laid in pre-op, my hands folded over my flat stomach and hubby by my side, I was surprised by how unemotional I felt about the fact that I wasn’t there to have a baby; that if things would have turned out differently, we would have been giggling nervously in anticipation of our newborn.

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  • October 12, 2010
    Life After Micarriage: Cyst Be Gone

    Ah yes. The size of an egg – at least that’s what my Google image search for 7cm revealed. I’m horrified and, morbidly curious. I mean – I can’t grow a baby but I can grow a fluid-filled globe the size of key lime? Anyone that’s familiar with literature on pregnancy knows about the comparison of embryos and fetuses to foods. So here are some other comparisons: a large date, a small tomato, a red potato, a large strawberry. See, it’s not just the pregnant women who get to have all the fun!

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